Old Love On A Date::Funny Story

Old Love On A Date::Funny Story

An old couple who had not been out on a date in a very long time was spending Saturday evening at home as usual.

As they sat watching TV, the man looked toward where his wife was sitting and asked in an affectionate tone, "Do you want to go out, little lady?"

Pleasantly surprised the lady replied without hesitation, "Oh, my, of course I want to, let's go!"

They had a great night out, and toward the end of the evening the lady turned to her husband and said, "I had a great time, but be honest. What happened to make you ask me on date after so many years?"

Well dear I have to tell you, I didn't ask you on a date at all. I was asking our dog Muffin, who was sitting next to your chair, if she wanted to go for a walk.

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You Can Hurry Love::Funny Story

You Can Hurry Love::Funny Story

A young man and his pretty bride rush in to see their minister at the church.

"We want to get married, Reverend. Here are all our papers, and these two people are our witnesses. Can you please do a quick ceremony?"

The minister is amused. He marries the two love birds, takes his money but then hesitates and asks, "I know you two are in love, but I would be remiss not to caution you that it is not wise to marry in a hurry. Why are you two in such a rush anyway?"

Rushing his new wife out before him the young man runs into the street shouting over his shoulder "Because we are parked in a 'no standing' zone!"

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How to Find Love::Funny Story

How to Find Love::Funny Story

A very depressed looking customer goes into a bar and declares, "Bartender, please help me. I can't take this anymore."

The bartender pours him a stiff drink and asks, "What's bothering you sir?"

"Well, bartender, I'm 30 years old and I am having no luck Find ing Love . No matter what I do, I only manage to frighten women away."

"Don't worry, sir, your problem is not serious. I see it everyday working here. All you have to do is to develop a stronger sense of self-esteem. To do that you must go to your bathroom mirror every morning right after you wake up. Look at your reflection in there and say to yourself, "I am a good guy, a fun guy, and an attractive guy". If you say this with absolute certainty and confidence, in just one week women will Love you and begin flocking to your side.

The man is happy with this assessment and leaves the bar after paying his tab eager to try out the bartender?s advice and Find Love . Three weeks later, however, he goes back to the same bar looking every bit as depressed as before.

"What?s the matter, sir, wasn?t my advice effective?" asks the bartender.

"Oh, it was very effective. During the past three weeks I've had some of the best times in my life with the most attractive women I?ve ever met."

?I don?t understand. What's your problem then?"

"Oh, I don't have a problem anymore," the man says. "My wife?s the one with the problem now."

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Funny True Headlines::Funny Story

Funny True Headlines::Funny Story

- Crack found in Man?s buttocks

- One handed man applauds the kindness of strangers

- Chick accuses some of her male colleagues of sexism

- Poison Control Centre reminds everyone not to take poison

- Great Tits cope well with global warming (Great Tits are a bird variety)

- Keegle fills Seichman?s gap with Seeman

- Tiger Woods plays with own balls, spokeman said

- Margie weds long time girlfriend, slams Bush

- Child wins gun from fundraiser

- Federal Agents raid gun shop and find weapons

- Condom truck tips and spills it?s load

- Army vehicle disappears after being painted with camouflage

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Clever business at a young age::Funny Story

Clever business at a young age::Funny Story

A policeman had a perfect hiding place to screen speeding drivers. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer investigated : a 9 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand-painted sign which said "SPEED CAMERA AHEAD."

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's partner in crime, another boy about 200 meters beyond the speed camera with a sign reading "TIPS" & a bucket at his feet full of coins.

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Real 911 calls::Funny Story

Real 911 calls::Funny Story

Real 911 calls

* Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
* Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
* Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
* Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

* Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
* Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
* Dispatcher: Excuse me?
* Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
* Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
* Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!

* Dispatcher: 911
* Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
* Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
* Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
* Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
* Caller: No
* Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
* Caller: Running from the Police.

* Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
* Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
* Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
* Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
* Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
* Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

* Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
* Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
* Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
* Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

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True Stories Of Some Very Dumb Criminals::Funny Story

True Stories Of Some Very Dumb Criminals::Funny Story

While many crooks may dream of committing the perfect crime, some burglars botch up a job so badly that what happens to them isn’t simply justice – it’s hilarious!

For one crook, a fun party ended really abruptly when he was arrested by police officers in Weatherford, Texas. It turns out that the man was throwing a pool-and-beer party for his friends in a vacant home when he was quickly busted by the real estate agent. The man, who had thrown pool parties in vacant homes before, invited the real estate agent to join them for a clambake, but clearly their ploy didn’t work. The man and his friends were promptly charged with breaking and entering.

In Sylvester, GA, three crooks severely underestimated their fellow man’s intelligence when they stole a bank teller’s checkbook – and then went to that same bank to cash the fraudulent checks. The bank teller who was approached by these three men stalled them until police arrived, where it was later discovered that the men had previously broken into four homes. It didn’t take long for these guys to end up in prison!

It’s no secret that high gas prices have driven everyone crazy – but one man in particular became so desperate that he attempted to steal a whole tanker truck full of gas. According to news reports, the man was so-hard pressed for gas for his luxury Hummer that he attempted to drive off in a tanker at a gas station. It turns out that trying to make a clean getaway in one of the largest trucks on highways today isn’t quite as simple as the man thought.

In Orange County, California, one burglar learned the hard way that it pays to get a good night’s sleep – especially if you’re looking to pull a job the next day. Police found the thief fast asleep in a car that he had broken into, with his hands still clutching the car stereo he had purloined from the vehicle. The arresting officers had to read his rights three times, as he continued to fall asleep during the first two. Looks like someone needs to get a new mattress!

In Philadelphia, a teenager busted a window and was caught not through the diligence of police officers – but because he had posted a video of the crime on YouTube. This should be a lesson for all potential Criminal s out there: if you’re going to commit a crime, don’t post the act online!

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The Funniest College Acceptance Letter::Funny Story

The Funniest College Acceptance Letter::Funny Story

Getting accepted at your favorite College is one of the greatest moments of a young person?s life ? unless you?ve received this Acceptance Letter , which was clearly the result of a computer glitch.

(As reported in the New York Times, 3.21.99)

To the parent or guardian of Truman Bradley

Dear Parent or Guardian

Congratulations on 987-45-4321?s admission to Arizona State University! We commend you for the significant role that you have played in helping him to prepare for this exciting and critically important time. A.S.U. is committed to providing an outstanding collegiate experience, and we are pleased that he has chosen to take advantage of this tremendous opportunity. We are fully prepared to assist 987-65-4321 in making a successful transition from high school to College . We also recognize that even though your relationship with 987-65-4321 may change in the next four years, the importance of that relationship will not diminish. At Arizona State University, we value your continued participation in his academic, social and personal development and actively seek your support in that endeavor. Whether through involvement in the A.S.U. Parents Association, attendance at numerous events for A.S.U. parents, or the occasional visit to campus, you will be a partner with the university in encouraging 987-65-4321 to succeed. We look forward to seeing you at an orientation program and during A.S.U. Welcome Week prior to the start of the fall semester. Information about these programs has been mailed to 987-65-4321. Many of the activities during both events are designed specifically for you. In the meantime, contact the A.S.U. Parent Program office? if you have any questions or concerns.

Sincerely,

President, A.S.U. Parents Association

Assistant Director, Parent Programs

The Letter that the father wrote back is a real kicker!

Thank you for offering our son, 987-65-4321, or as we affectionately refer to him around the house - 987 - a position in the A.S.U. class of 2003. His mother, 123-45-6MOM and I are very happy that such a prestigious institution of higher education such as A.S.U. has extended this offer.

In selecting a College for 987, we are looking for a place that will prepare him for the technological challenges of the 21st century. We seek a College in which he can learn to master computers and learn to communicate with clarity and sensitivity. I can only imagine the competence with which you will, as your Letter puts so well, "assist 987-65-4321 in making a successful transition from high school to College ."

We will miss 987 when he goes off to school, and are very interested in a College in which he will receive personal attention. I was particularly touched by your sentence in which you note that our "relationship with 987-65-4321 may change in the next few years." This is certainly true. Already we are beginning to focus as well on his brother, 123-45-6BRO.

I look forward to additional communications from your office. You manage to convey more in your Letter s than any other College we have seen thus far.

Sincerely,

123-45-6DAD

A.k.a. Jeff Bradley

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Strange Yet True English Subtitles::Funny Stories

Strange Yet True English Subtitles::Funny Stories

 

These real English Subtitles have been featured in films primarily in kung fu films from Hong Kong. Here’s some of the best Subtitles that will have you doubled over from laughter!

You daring lousy guy.

Beat him out of recognizable shape!

Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.

I have been scared silly too much lately.

I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

How can you use my intestines as a gift?

Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feats on some butt of the giant lizard person.

I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

I will kill you until you are dead from it!

Gun wounds again?

Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.

Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants to eat.

Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

I threat you! I challenge you meet me on the roof tonight for a duet!

You are too useless. And now I must beat you.

This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and l leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.

Now I feel flatulent, and you did it.

My innards have all been disturbed by him.

I please your uterus. You kiss my toes. It's fair.

This is the Martial Arts Competition, not a place for fighting!

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Funny Yet True Fortune Cookie Blunders::Funny True Story

Funny Yet True Fortune Cookie Blunders::Funny True Story

Be thankful the next time you open up a fortune cookie that doesn’t have a fortune as strange –or hilarious - as these:

Confucius say you have heart as big as Texas.

You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly.

Because of your melodic nature, the moonlight never misses an appointment.

You will gain admiration from your pears.

You will receive a fortune cookie.

Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom.

A starship ride has been promised to you by the galactic wizard.

You love Chinese food.

Someone will invite you to a Karaoke party.

Don't behave with cold manners.

Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.

Don't forget you are always on our minds.

What you left behind is more mellow than wine.

There is no mistake so great as that of being always right.

Never forget a friend. Especially if he owes you.

A tub and a rub will change your day.

THAT WASN'T CHICKEN.

Suppose you can get what you want.

If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it, if you're happy and you know it, eat a monkey.

It's about time I got out of that cookie.

The greatest danger could be your stupidity.

Eat your vegetable and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye.

To lower your stress level, get a cat.

Your present plants are going to succeed.

A nice cake is waiting for you.

You may love the small ones but win the big ones.

An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly.

Life is not a struggle. It's a wiggle.

Sssorrryyy, duuplleexxx swwwitccch ooonnn…

A smile is your personal welcome mat.

You are not illiterate.

The rubber bands are heading in the right direction.

Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.

You never know who you touch.

Do not follow the instructions of this fortune.

Your emotional nature is strong and emotional.

Your eyes will soon be sparking, keep them open.

Now is the time to make circles with mints, do not haste any longer.

A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition. Don't touch that.

Behind an able man, there are always.

You will soon be more aware of your growing awareness.

You may attend a party where strange customs prevail.

Someone can read your mind.

Magic time is created when unconventional person comes.

You are going to have some new clothes.

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First Job::Funny Story

First Job::Funny Story

"A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot.

One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot."

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those as*!#!es at Home Depot ever deliver the fu*#'ng sheet rock..."

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Weight Loss Plan::Funny Story

Weight Loss Plan::Funny Story

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"

He lost 63 pounds that week.

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ATM::Funny Story

ATM::Funny Story

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

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Money::Funny Story

Money::Funny Story

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"

She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

"Yes," the wife said, "I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

(Thanks Jessica)

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Money::Funny Story?

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Cinderella Would Be Shocked::Funny Story

Cinderella Would Be Shocked::Funny Story

Sure, there are some pretty stupid criminals out there. Yet this excerpt from a Washington Post article proves that not all criminals are dumb – in fact, some are so clever that the Post labeled this article, "The Best Comeback Line Ever"

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, Picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's... just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Darn...is it midnight already?"

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The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever!::Funny Story

The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever!::Funny Story

Let’s face it – we’ve all had our share of embarrassing moments. Just be thankful that none of them were as humiliating (and hilarious!) as these:

"A mother was taking a shower when her2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look. Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!"

"A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away."

"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’

An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool. He mustered all his courage for long time, then timidly approached and asked her, "Ma’ am, would be OK if sit here and talk with you?" She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Customers in the bar started staring at them. The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed. The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize. With a smile on her face she says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments." The cunning guy now yells loudly, "What do you mean by $500?"

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Using funny stories in teaching English::Funny Story

Introduction


        There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."
     


       
     

   
Body


        So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
     


        Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"
     


        She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
     


        "Yes," the wife said, "I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
     


        "You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
     

   
Conclusion


        "I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check

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Applying for a job at the CIA::Funny Story

Applying for a job at the CIA::Funny Story

 

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.


The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive Job . The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this Job then."


So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the Job ."
"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."


Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.



The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"

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Mathematical Love Letter::Funny

Mathematical Love Letter

 

My Dear Linear Equation,

Hi Phi ! Yesterday i saw you in the circle of your friends. My only heart broke to infinite pieces. The curve of your eye brows, eclipse of cheeks and velocity of your voice seemed to have divided my senses. But you easily removed me like a common factor.

I had been in great mathematical unrest because our eyes formed the extreme point of two parallel straight lines drawn through the median of love.

Throughout the night, I solved the problem geometrically and deduced that you and me are convergent. A great distance b/w you & me is producing more & more tendency of love, so it is necessary that we should live together in the same circle.

As your beauty has crossed my heart's center, so it is now bleeding in curves upon your ways. If you would formulate my heart, you will get many lovely geometrical shapes, which are necesary for our loves.

Pay my regards to all your friends specially variables and constants.

Only Yours,
Super Set of Phi

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Women can't keep secrets - study ::Funny English Story

Women can't keep secrets - study

The average woman cannot keep a Secret for longer than 47 hours, according to a new Study .

Researchers found Women will typically spill the beans to at least one other person in 47 hours and 15 minutes, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Depending on who the gossip is about, their boyfriend, husband, best friend or mother are the most likely to be the first person they tell.

The Study of 3,000 Women , aged between 18 and 65, also found that four out of ten admitted they were unable to keep a Secret - no matter how personal or confidential.

It also found that alcohol usually gives us a helping hand to blurt out Secret s with more than half admitting a glass or two of wine could prompt them to dish the dirt.

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